Death: The Very Center of Love

In a world where love is often equated with comfort, ease, and self-fulfillment, the idea of death being at the center of love feels jarring, even unsettling. And yet, in A Loving Life, Paul E. Miller presents us with a biblical vision of love that is profoundly sacrificial, rooted in the very heart of the gospel—where love is not merely a feeling but a daily, deliberate dying to self.

Miller invites us to rethink love, not as something that flows effortlessly when conditions are perfect, but as something that flourishes in the soil of sacrifice. His reflections on the Old Testament story of Ruth show us that real love, biblical love, cannot exist without the element of death. It’s a kind of love that runs contrary to the world’s definition—a love that is willing to lose itself in order to serve others.

The Pattern of Sacrificial Love

At the heart of Miller’s message is this truth: true love always involves some kind of death. Whether it’s the death of our ego, our comfort, our preferences, or even our dreams, love, by its very nature, requires sacrifice. Ruth’s story is a powerful illustration of this. She didn’t love Naomi from a place of convenience or personal gain; her love was costly. She gave up her homeland, her people, and her future security to stay with her mother-in-law, a decision that could only lead to hardship.

Ruth’s love for Naomi reflects the kind of love Christ calls us to—a love that is willing to lay down its life for others. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” This isn’t just about physical death, though that is the ultimate act of love. It’s about the daily choices we make to deny ourselves for the sake of others.

Death Leads to Life

What seems paradoxical is that in the Christian life, death always leads to life. It’s a principle woven throughout the Scriptures. Jesus’ death on the cross was the ultimate act of love, and it led to resurrection, to life that conquers death. In the same way, our willingness to die to self—whether in marriage, friendships, or even in loving our enemies—brings life. It brings healing, redemption, and transformation.

When Ruth laid down her own desires and future to follow Naomi, she wasn’t simply entering into a life of sacrifice. God, in His mercy, was preparing a redemptive story far beyond what Ruth could have imagined. Through her obedience and sacrificial love, she became part of the lineage of Christ, the ultimate expression of God’s love for humanity.

Ruth’s death to self led to life—life for her, life for Naomi, and life for generations to come.

Miller’s book reminds us that this is the pattern of Christian love: we die so others might live. We love with the expectation that our dying—our letting go of pride, control, and comfort—will bear fruit, even if we don’t see it immediately.

Love in the Face of Uncertainty

One of the most challenging aspects of Ruth’s story, and the story of love in general, is the element of uncertainty. When we choose to love sacrificially, we don’t always know what the outcome will be. Ruth didn’t have the guarantee of redemption when she followed Naomi. She didn’t know if she would find provision, safety, or even acceptance in Bethlehem. But love compelled her to stay the course, to embrace the unknown, and to trust God with the future.

Paul E. Miller calls this "loving without an exit strategy." It’s the kind of love that doesn’t keep score, doesn’t calculate risks, and doesn’t look for a way out when things get hard. It’s the kind of love Jesus displayed as He set His face toward Jerusalem, knowing the cross awaited Him. There was no exit strategy in Jesus’ love for us—only a relentless pursuit of our redemption, even when it meant death.

Loving like this requires faith, because we don’t always see the fruit of our sacrifice right away. Sometimes, we love for years without seeing a change in the person we are loving. Sometimes, love feels like a long road of laying down our lives without the guarantee of an earthly reward. But Miller reminds us that love, true biblical love, isn’t about the result—it’s about faithfulness. We love because we are called to reflect Christ, trusting that God is always at work, even when we can’t see it.

A Call to Die

Death is at the center of love. This is a truth we can’t escape if we are followers of Christ. It’s the essence of the gospel, the heartbeat of the cross. And it’s the call placed on each of us as we seek to love those around us. Whether it’s in our marriages, in our communities, or in our service to the world, love will always require us to die to ourselves.

But this death is not the end. It’s a doorway to life—real life, abundant life, resurrection life. Paul E. Miller’s reflections in A Loving Life challenge us to embrace the kind of love that dies daily, trusting that in every sacrifice, God is at work, shaping us into the likeness of Christ and bringing His redemptive power into the world through our humble acts of love.

And as we follow this path of dying love, we find that the cross-shaped life is the one that leads to true joy, to deep connection, and to a love that endures through all things. For in dying, we truly live, and in giving ourselves away, we reflect the heart of the One who loved us first.